Space X Launch Fails After Rocket Bounces Off Firmament

I think I worried my family last night by laughing so hard at this story that they thought I was going to herniate.  Those of you who follow the news know that Babylon Bee is in a tussle with Snopes about whether or not their stories constitute “fake news.”  Anyone with two grey cells to rub together knows the difference, including Snopes, but they are trying to get the Bee de-platformed because quite a few of the Bee's stories point out the idiocy of some of their favorite political positions.

Anyway, the Bee is not above poking fun at just about anything in the Christian world and I missed this story when it came out.

A SpaceX launch ended in tragedy Thursday as the rocket intended to carry a cellular satellite into orbit around the earth bounced off the firmament described in the opening chapters of Genesis, sources confirmed.

The rocket accelerated higher and higher above the flat earth and toward the sun and moon a mere 3,000 miles away before suddenly bouncing off the glass-like dome containing the earth.

“We totally didn’t see this coming,” a SpaceX launch expert told reporters moments after the crash. “Where we seem to have gone wrong is in using NASA’s fake globe model rather than employing flat-earth models drawn by conspiracy theorists operating off ultra-literalist readings of the King James Bible.”

“We won’t make that mistake again, I tell you what,” he added.

They manage to skewer the literal reading of Genesis and the biblical evidence for a flat earth in one post.  Many Christian writers, including Phil Senter and John Walton, have written about the language describing the firmament and have argued (persuasively, in my opinion) that it can only be read as a hard dome because that is how the ANE people saw it. 

Humor at its best.

Babylon Bee: Ken Ham Arrested For Vandalizing Grand Canyon Signs To Read ‘JUST 4400 YEARS OLD’

I love the Babylon Bee.  They will skewer anything.  This post announces that Ken Ham was caught vandalizing signs in the Grand Canyon:

Dozens of informational signs throughout the park tell visitors that the Colorado River carved the canyon over the past six million years—but Ham allegedly painted over these signs and wrote “CANYON JUST 4400 YEARS OLD—WAKE UP!” national park rangers said at a press conference.

“We found Ham hiding behind a large rock formation with several cans of spray paint and a Sharpie after seeing his Facebook posts and pinging his phone to determine his exact location,” one ranger said. “All evidence points to this being a one-man operation. Pretty much all of our visitor signs were ‘corrected’ by Ham—even the big one at the main entrance.”

If you hadn't figured out that this was satire, the last sentence in the article should have been a big clue:

At publishing time, Ham had miraculously escaped captivity and was seen painting over signs at the Natural History Museum of Los Angeles.

The really funny thing about this post by the Bee is that it elicited a correction by the site “Business 2 Community,” which ran this:

Ken Ham, a spokesman for creationist, being arrested for vandalizing the Grand Canyon National Park signs to read “Just 4,400 Years Old” is satirical news. There is no truth to a report that an Australian Christian fundamentalist and young Earth creationist living in the United States found himself in trouble after he painted over signs at the country’s popular national park.

In case you don’t know, Ham is the president of Answers in Genesis, a Creationist apologetics organization that operates the Creation Museum and the Ark Encounter.

As of now, the site that Ham runs, Answers in Genesis, has yet to respond to the article.In fact, as nearly as I can tell, they have not acknowledged the existence of the Babylon Bee, whatsoever. 

Babylon Bee: Ken Ham Auctions Authentic Photo Of His Great-Great-Grandfather Riding Triceratops

The Babylon Bee has a good deal of fun with Ken Ham.  It is a fertile source, after all.  Their newest gag: that Ken Ham is auctioning off an authentic photo of his great-great grandfather riding a Triceratops.  They write:

As part of a fundraiser for his Creation Museum and Ark Encounter theme park, Answers in Genesis CEO Ken Ham is auctioning an original photograph of his great-great-grandfather riding atop a live dinosaur, sources confirmed.

The weathered black and white photograph, which Ham says he discovered while rummaging through his attic, features Ham’s ancestor, Chester Cornelius Ham III, seated on the back of a large Triceratops. “This picture serves as a wonderful reminder that dinosaurs and humans roamed our planet together, in the not-so-distant past,” Ham said during an interview.

“In the same way we use the genealogies in Genesis, we can use this picture to count back through my family’s generations and determine exactly how long ago the mighty Triceratops wandered the Earth,” he added.

Ham confirmed that the auction will last exactly six literal days.

HAW! A stab at the genealogies, the "riding dinosaurs" controversy and the cult of Ham, all rolled into one!  See the photo here.

Ken Ham's Ark Taken Up To Heaven!

That is one of the stories from the satirical Christian website The Babylon Bee.  From the story:

In what is being called a stunning miracle, apologist Ken Ham’s controversial $100 million replica of Noah’s Ark was reportedly taken into heaven in the sight of attendees just several days into the park’s opening.

Witnesses claim they heard a voice from the heavens booming, “This is my beloved ark, in which I am well pleased,” before a loud rumbling begin to reverberate all around the attraction. Then, onlookers watched in amazement as the clouds parted and the great wooden ship began ascending toward the skies.

Sources state that within several minutes, the ark had disappeared into the clouds, having been taken into the presence of the Almighty.

If only.  That, and other stories at the site had me in tears this evening.  If your Christianity can stand a sense of humor, this is the site for you.  In many ways, it is like the old Wittenberg Door, a satirical newspaper that was popular in the 1980s.  Enjoy.